A Computer Addicted Stay at Home Mom

I will (grudgingly) admit that I am addicted to my computer.  There are times when I feel as though my entire life is tied up in this little machine that occupies the corner of my bedroom.  How does one get to this point?  How did this happen?  For me, becoming a stay at home mom was the beginning of my addiction.  I started to learn to use Paint Shop Pro, and the addiction seriously kicked in from that moment on.

That was about eight or nine years ago, and my addiction has steadily increased since then.  There are days when I feel as though I could do absolutely nothing without my computer.  Can’t figure out how to get a spot out of the carpet?  Google it.  Want to know what the weather is going to be the rest of the week?  Get online and hit the local television station for the latest.  Missed the latest episode of your favorite television show?  Watch it online.

Even my children have become little computer geeks – they can buzz around the internet like no one’s business.  At their age, I didn’t even know what I needed to do to get online, let alone have a computer at my fingertips waiting for me to explore.  Thinking back, if I had a computer ‘way back when’ I would probably still be sitting in my bedroom on the internet.  Hum…not much would have changed.

I do so much though.  I create scrapkits {which I hope to be able to start selling soon}, I do blog and website design, I am a member of six different creative teams and the creative team manager for one, I handle the communications for the middle school boosters club at my son’s school, I communicate with both of the boys’ teachers via email to keep a handle on their progress and any behavioral issues, I schedule doctor appointments, look for houses, search for part-time jobs, network with other bloggers and graphics designers, play games {yes, I’m a Facebook/Zynga game junkie}, scour the internet for freebies that I can use in my work, help with homework, and the list goes on and on.  That doesn’t include any of the other ‘regular’ mom things that I do – such as being the cook {and sometimes feeling like a short-order cook when everyone wants something different for dinner}, being the maid {who picks up after everyone in the house since they seem incapable of doing it themselves}, the housekeeper {okay, I’ll admit – my ‘keep the house spotless’ skills are sorely lacking … because I’m always on the computer}, the laundress, the tutor {which isn’t exactly a strong suit of mine … unless it is related to computers}, the nurse, the referee, the dog walker and feeder {even though it was the testosterone that wanted the dog – not ME} and that particular list goes on and on as well.

So last night the man thing sits me down for a heart-to-heart with the door closed.  The door does not get closed unless he is serious.

“You are addicted to your computer.  Seriously.  You have been trying to get your own business off the ground and turning a profit for years.  For as much time as you’ve spent on the internet, you should be a millionaire by now.  You aren’t doing anything.  You just play around on that thing and you are pushing me and the boys away from you with all of the time you spend online.”

Yes, I was extremely pissed about the ‘you aren’t doing anything’ remark.  It’s not like I’m sitting here eating bon-bons all day buddy.

“I’m not pushing you away, or them.  I just have a LOT that needs to get done and you guys are constantly interrupting me and making me STOP what I am doing.  There are times when I don’t get on the computer all weekend long because you guys are home and I’m spending time with you then.  I don’t want to watch the same stuff that the three of you watch on television, so why should I sit there and be bored when I could be on the computer doing something that I want to do?”

Silence.

Oh.

That’s when it made sense.  All three of them have been trying to get my attention – and I’ve been too ‘busy’ to notice anything but the annoyance I feel when I hear a “come here for a minute” or a “Mom, I need your help” coming from them.

Is that what I have reduced my family to?  An afterthought that I think of only on weekends or when I’m not on the computer?  I tell them I love them every day, I talk with them in the morning before school {if you consider yelling, “Hurry up! You’re going to be late if you don’t get out of bed right now!” talking that is} and I do occasionally sit down with them in the evenings and watch a television show or a movie – but apparently it isn’t often enough.

So I’ve been sitting here thinking of a way to condense everything into the hours that they are in school so that they do have my undivided attention in the evenings and that I’m not spending hours on end surfing the internet, or chatting online with friends, or designing this or that.  Before too long, they will be grown and wanting to move out of the house and I will have missed the best years of their childhood.  That saddens me, especially in light of recent events with my daughter.  I don’t want to screw things up with them as I have apparently screwed things up with her.

There is no way for me to squeeze everything into the few hours that I have when they are all gone elsewhere and be finished so that I can spend time with them in the evening from 5pm to 11pm.  Then it dawned on me.  I know what the solution is!!!

I just need to get an iPad.